Agent W007
by Pythia
Summary: Ficlet. The twins are acting weird about detention. Ron investigates. Warnings: Articulate!Ron, mild Fred/George/Snape


Just your basic PWP ficlet. Not NC-17. Kinda abrupt, due to its plot bunny nature.  
I don't own 'em, I just monopolize 'em.  
  
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Agent W007: Ronald Weasley  
Case: #43201  
The WT Files  
  
Warnings: Snape/Fred/George, Articulate!Ron  
  
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::Beep, beep::  
  
"Gryffindor Commons— March the 7th— 7:01 pm"  
  
"Hello. Ronald here, keen, observant—"  
  
"The most oblivious guy on this side of Hogwarts…"  
  
"Shut up, Herm. I am of the Weasley Department of Mysteries, Agent W007, currently investigating the unusual behaviour of two—Fred and George."  
  
"Sure, Bond."  
  
"It's Weasley. Ronald Weasley."  
  
~Hermione starts humming the James Bond theme song~  
  
~Ron rolls his eyes~  
  
"What could cause me to look into this, you ask? Surely, it cannot be that serious, you say? But, there you are wrong! It definitely *is* serious, for you see… Fred and George have been getting detention— uh-uh, I'm not yet finished— with Snape. Normal? Seemingly. The only thing is… When they returned, they were happy. Not only that, they were *smiling*. A lot. And were very… perky. 'Tis an enigma worthy of Agent W007!"  
  
"Oh, how exciting! Really, they're *happy*!? How shocking!"  
  
~He gives her the Look™~  
  
"I am now off to venture once more into the inexplicable! Onwards!"  
  
"You know, you *almost* sounded intelligent just then… Until the 'onwards' bit."  
  
"Sod off. I'm leaving now."  
  
~Silence~  
  
"Well, what's taking you so long?"  
  
"Nothing! I'm going, see? Yeesh!"  
  
~She nods~  
  
"Oh, indeed! I can see that. You're going, while standing immobile on the rug."  
  
~He glares at her and goes out the portrait hole~  
  
***  
  
Ron POV  
  
I'm outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, away from Evil Hermione™, who fails to see the gravity of the situation. I have obtained a Cloak of Invisibility from a colleague, beforehand, and it is carefully hidden in my robes.  
  
I cautiously walk through the sparsely populated hallways, ignoring the looks I'm getting. They're all probably jealous of the great Agent W007. Yes, incredibly jealous—I stop in front of an ornate mirror hanging on one of the walls—of that handsome, young man…  
  
I pry myself away from my image; I have a mission. My love life—I mean, my appearances… eheheh—comes later.  
  
Now, since it will take a long time for me reach the Great Hall for dinner, I will fill you in on the details of this case.  
  
It all started a week ago, when my brothers began to receive detentions repeatedly from our dear—ugh—Severus Snape. It commenced ordinarily enough, and it appeared as if it was going to *stay* that way. But then, I noticed it. Something was terribly odd with the situation, for they gave the impression of *wanting* detention. How do I know that? Easy. The extra effort they were putting into the pranks on Snape—and Snape *alone*—gave it away.  
  
And I mentioned their extremely buoyant attitude earlier, did I not? And the cheery grins they were sporting? Their frivolity? All those were indications, as well. Those, too, were what prompted my analysis of what I now deem 'The WT Files'. The Weasley Twins Files, if you wish.  
  
Alright, have you gotten all of that? It was quite a diminutive amount of information, but have you? You have? Good.  
  
I'm in front of the entrance to the Great Hall, by the way. Slowly, I push at the dark wood, back straight and confident. I. Am. The. Great. Agent. W007. Worship me.  
  
The door swings open dramatically, revealing ¾ of the school already eating. The others who weren't there were probably lounging in their respective houses. Slackers, the lot of 'em.  
  
I stride over to the Gryffindor table, chin held high. I ignore the jeers from the Slytherins. They're just envious. Remember, I am the great Agent W007. Heh. Maybe I should get my own theme song. No, wait, if I do that they might think I'm stuck-up. Which I'm not! The great Agent W007 is *never* egocentric!  
  
I nod to myself, and then sneak a glance at Harry, who is sitting peacefully beside me—whilst staring at Draco Malfoy. Hmmm… Another thing to look into. I'll check it out after I'm through with my current examination.  
  
Dinner is over before long, and I sneak into a secluded corridor amidst the crowd. I slip on my associate's Cloak, and disappear from view.  
  
Phase one: complete.  
  
Now, on to phase two…  
  
I follow my siblings, who are off to yet another detention with the infamous Potions Master. They are talking amiably, unaware of my presence.  
  
A few minutes go by.  
  
I am now three feet away from the Potions classroom; three feet away from solving the puzzle…  
  
The door creaks open, and they go inside. I follow behind them. Snape is already waiting, and I feel the curiosity welling up within me.  
  
The oily professor stands up from his seat behind the desk, and moves towards Fred and George. He stops in front of them, leans in, and—SHITE!  
  
He just kissed them both.  
  
Oh.  
  
My.  
  
Gawd.  
  
Hello. My name is Ronald McDonald. I am from the Mystery Department of the Weasley. By the way, did I mention I was scarred for life?  
  
~End  
  
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R&R? Wouldn't mind if you didn't, but would be very happy if you did. 


End file.
